Suicide

Looking for Laughs

 

Over the years, when I’ve needed a lift or a charge or a jump, I’ve assigned myself homework. I’ve had all sorts of stupid assignments, from “engage with three people” to “find ten out-loud laughs.”  Those assignments are per day, by the way. Not anything completely insane like per hour.

I’m just reasonably and partially insane, not completely insane.

Engaging with three people, for me, is not too difficult if I really focus on it.  It usually means delivering Compliments or Well-Wishes (CoWWs).  #AcronymAlert

Delivering CoWWs is actually really fun once you get over the initial paralyzing social anxiety. Once you realize the person is unlikely to totally go off on you, you can relax. And when you do say something nice to the person, you will usually see pretty quickly that others enjoy hearing nice things like compliments and well-wishes. Usually you get back a lot more than it took to get it out.

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Making a New Life.

 

I’m looking for people who are going through something. But not just anything. Something significant. A shift.

Because I’m going through a shift and I need to talk about it.

And my therapist retires in two weeks.

And honestly, she was only available for an hour a week, so really, how helpful was she going to be?

But I’m going through a major shift because TMS is changing my brain.

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The Death of Suicide

Let’s kill suicide.

Let’s kill all of it. Or at least as much as we can.

I have recently found major relief from chronic and near constant intrusive suicidal thoughts. But I will still have thoughts. And I will still have urges.

So  I still wouldn’t go into certain situations where a certain prompt, a certain look, a certain song, a certain feeling, a certain slight  could trigger an urge.

I have lots of plans in place. But plans have to be discussed. And figured out. And negotiated as circumstances change.

And negotiated in anticipation of circumstances changing.

Let’s kill suicide by talking about how to handle it when the thoughts and mages and urges rise up. Since we know they will.

We can have this conversation. It’s just about life. And how to live it.

It’s just about how to live life.

Let’s just talk about how to live life.

So we can live life.

Happy Friday Eve.

🤎 🤎 🤎

d (and bella)

Just a little mental health reminder.

#talktosomeonebesidesyourself

This is just a reminder to talk to someone besides yourself.

I learned the lesson AGAIN (and again and again and again) this past week when I literally almost blew up from the inside out from not saying things and keeping them inside of me.

I am still not sure how all of that works, apparently.

Keeping it in. Getting it out. Keeping it in. Getting it out.

It seems I’ll be doing a good job of getting it out as things come in and then OMG all of a sudden there’s something in there that gathered some traction and there’s nobody to tell about it because it’s too late to tell anybody because it’s too late for anything at all because OMG it’s too late.

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