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Journal Bits in May.

Celeste

 

Random Journal Bits From May

Cartoonists and dogs.
Need to make plans for cartoonists and dogs to do something helpful.

Some days are snapshot days.
Take a snapshot.
Because everything will look different to you soon.
And you can’t figure out how it will look different even though after it looks different it will look like a puzzle that was only missing once piece.

And if you don’t like the way your life looks today, it’s the BEST DAY to take a snapshot
Because if you take a snapshot you will be committing yourself to moving in the right direction of hoping everything will look different to you soon

Let it be funny.
Let it. be fun.
Let it be fun. And funny. Just try seeing it the funny way. It’s easier to see if that way.

Change up the question from time to time if you already know the answer.
Instead of “How are you feeling?” try “What are you doing?”
Instead of “How are you doing?” try “What’s going on on?”

That is the answer
No more homework
All action items now
Do I understand that?
Just updated Journal
#OCD #TMS

I could no longer communicate with anyone I knew
The problem was me
It wasn’t my fault but the problem was me
I couldn’t communicate to others in a way they could understand or accept or receive
And I was really really trying to communicate  in a way I thought they would be able to understand
I knew they wouldn’t like what I was saying, but I thought they would understand what I was saying
I knew they wouldn’t like what I was saying, but I thought they would hear what I was saying

I got to a point where nobody could hear what I was saying.
Now some people can hear me.
#TMS

And if it was good, say Wow. That sounds good.
And it if was nothing, say Maybe you could do something now. Want me to come over and help?
And if it was bad, say Maybe we can make it better. Want me to come over and help figure out how?
Or just hang out on the phone or Zoom or chat or message or whatever.
If you ask what they are doing, the focus is on an action.

You can control your action.
You can take an action fairly easily.
You’re not doing anything?
Turn on happy music. Turn on funny comedy. Walk outside. Message a friend. Watch funny reels or videos.
Do something.
It’s not a trick. It’s a reminder. Because some of us do it naturally. And some of us need a reminder.

Remember to check the good measures
There are good measures
There are bad measures
When you are focused on the bad measures you must look at the good measures too
It’s not fair to only give credit to the negative measures
You have to also weigh the positive measures

People don’t think in percentages.
I’m 60% good 30% meh 10% bad
Ah! You are only 10% bad! That’s good!

But No. If they are 10% bad they think they are 100% bad
Because people don’t think in percentages. People round up to 100%
Ask “What are you doing?
And then work backwards.
What did you do today.

These are the things that are hard to say.
There are things that are hard to say and I am ready to say them.

 

Now THIS is exciting.

 

Don’t metta what you’re doing.
Don’t metta it.
Ah that’s what made me metta very metta too metta.

 

Can you turn it into good memories?
Can you turn New Jersey into good memories?

 

BOY was I mad
But I did not want to say anything
It was a bad situation
And I couldn’t figure out my way out because I was impaired out there alone
And I was upset because I hate looking impaired

 

Go back to Scott.
You have been sad since you have stopped listening to Scott.

I miss Dilbert.

Mommy’s Back in Business
Today is the Day

Wow
That was really a journey
And I had to do it all alone
And I had to do it all alone sounds different depending on how you say it

He learned how to say it the good way

I’m tired of doing it all alone but there’s no way anybody could understand how awful this is
There’s no way I could ever expose anybody to this
I would never do that to anybody
I would never do that more than I love you.

Bella likes the Mommy’s Back in Business song and dance
Bella knows the difference between real dancing and the dancing Mommy does to fake her out
But Bella loves the real smile and the real dance.
Bella loves when Mommy is Back in Business.
#TMS

I don’t need a therapist. I need a ________________

Stop being so sad.
You are way too sad.

Does everyone have something they can’t talk about?
How many things does someone have that they can’t talk about.

That’s a good cartoon.

There’s too much that’s not working right that I have to find workarounds for.

THAT’S IT
Keep changing everything and make it amazing
You didn’t ruin everything
Just make it amazing
Keep the negators out of your life
Do you think that might be ____________ (fill in something that is the opposite of what a cheerleader might say)
Don’t say anything remotely similar to that
Don’t negate your own good ideas
Brainstorming is not bad
Brainstorming is brilliant
Be brilliant
No negators
Just cheerleaders

Dupont Circle doesn’t thrill me.

You are doing really well considering how much shit is swirling around you.
Good job.
I am proud of you.

It’s not going to feel like this forever.

 

So basically my Horoscope had me scared all day.
Can somebody just pick a fight with me already?
My Horoscope said someone’s mad at me. Who is it? Someone speak up.

If everybody had to accept some truth, I think we would all agree that ______________.

 

Do you enjoy hanging out with yourself?
Do you have fun?

I forgot that I could say no.

 

Diagnosis Frustration

 

What if, all of a sudden, you just understood what the other person said?
What if, all of a sudden, the other person just understood what you said?

 

Now I am finished crying.
Boy that was good.
Other people can have bad days.
You can have good days.
Don’t ruin it.

 

I accidentally had a good day while somebody was having a bad day.
I’m sorry I had a bad day while you were having a good day.

 

Figure it out.
You’ve watched a lot of movies.
The story isn’t that difficult to follow.

 

And what does that look like to you?

 

She couldn’t quite eek out an I love you.

 

Let’s lay low. Lay low. Social Life on the Sofa.
That’s how we are going to live. We are going to live our social life on the sofa.

 

Time is a commodity. Debit or credit.

 

I just realized my art is depressing. Ha ha ha.

 

Try to Give Yourself Credit Each Day for doing something that’s not easy for you to do.

 

Wow. Her story is amazing.

 

How do we find our people?

 

Arm Yourself with Passion

 

Living with Life’s Stressors. Explore people’s passions. What really helps them get through life. What’s your passion? Share with each other and build up a workshop of tools. We could build up a workshop of tools. We all need a workshop. What’s in your workshop? What do you want to build in your workshop?

 

Author’s Note: Posts are most likely (almost definitely) not written the day and time you are reading them. I’m sorry if they are a little scary. So is my head sometimes. You learn to deal with your thoughts when you have dark thoughts like that. The Author is probably walking Bella or working and eating snacks and having a great day even if this post sounds a little desperate. Apologies if the writing scares you. It’s just the writing of someone with a crazy head. But the Author is okay even though her head is a scary place sometimes. Thank you for caring. 🤎

This Post Has 2 Comments

  1. Thanks for sharing this. I like occasionally getting a glimpse of the unfiltered/un-edited stuff. Reminds me of a photography exhibit that I once saw where, in addition to the chosen photos that were blown up big, the artist also included other shots from the same roll. It blew my young mind to realize that even professional photographers don’t *only* take amazing pictures. It was fascinating to see the images that didn’t make the cut.

  2. Thanks, John!

    I love “behind the scenes” art in progress too. : )

    I think collage and draft is the fun stuff. Final products are always so compromised for editorial reasons.

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