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Why does it matter?

So why do I keep talking about my diagnosis?

Because it could change someone else’s experience.

And here is how it could do that.

For decades, I had horrible intrusive thoughts of death and suicide.

But once I mentioned suicide, I was ONLY treated for depression. And treatment for depression wasn’t enough.

But finally, a doctor connected my intrusive thoughts of death and suicide with OCD. And I was able to get effective treatment,

Yes. Horrible intrusive thoughts of death and suicide can be OCD.

That’s the reason I keep talking about my diagnosis.

To help even one family ask their kid if he or she or they is having intrusive thoughts.  Or seeing horrific images. Or having urges to do something dangerous.

Because if that’s happening, they might need something more than an SSRI or meditation or exercise.

They might need something more than staying away from sugar.

Believe me, because I have tried it all.

Well, maybe not ALL of it.

I still haven’t tried the miraculous coffee enemas, but I’m pretty sure I’ve tried everything else.

Amazingly, I had some of the most disturbing, violent imagery during a period when I was running 40 miles a week.

And I kept thinking my mind should have been clear when I was running 40 miles a week.

My body was in good condition.

But my mind was still effed up.

And yet, I continued to be treated for depression only.

And asked about my mood.

That is why I am speaking up.

Because horrible intrusive thoughts of death and suicide can be OCD.

There are two more reasons I am speaking up.

Because ONE… you may be experiencing something that is not really within reasonable bounds and should be looked at.

And TWO… because getting help may make a huge difference.

Regarding that first statement, use me as your example.

I had numerous behaviors for decades that I did not realize were treatable.

They were definitely making life difficult if I wanted to live a normal, balanced, healthy life.

I had behaviors I was hiding from people at work and from family. Compulsions I had to engage in one way or another.

Some of the compulsions were physical, like tics. Other compulsions involved checking, counting and making things symmetric.

Now if you’re thinking “I do that!” I check to see that the door is locked and whether the CDs are in order, I’ll just say that the disorder version goes farther.

Checking, counting, ordering, ticking – they rise to the level of a disorder when they interfere with the ability to leave the house, go to work, engage in relationships and things like that.

So get informed. Look at what you do and see whether it’s interfering with your life and your level of functioning.

The inability to leave the house is a sign that something is off.

Which brings us to that second point.

Getting help can make a huge difference.

When I started getting treatment specifically tailored for OCD, life started changing for the better.

And when I started to target CBT to OCD behaviors, life kept changing for the better.

So THAT is why I am talking about the difference a diagnosis makes and that’s why it matters.

Because I know in my heart that there is someone like me out there who is totally amazing but locked in a mental prison that is making their life impossible to live.

Let’s get information to that person so he or she or they can start getting better today.

Because It’s never soon enough to start making things better.

So here’s a place to begin. There’s a bunch of really great resources for you to peruse here.  So take a look.

Because there’s lots of ways to get help.

And help is really helpful.

If its the right kind for the right thing.

Yes, I said that.

Help is really helpful if it’s the right kind for the right thing.

Help is really helpful if it’s the right kind for the right thing.

Learn from my crazy frightening journey.

My journey took way too long. And it was way too dangerous. I’m lucky I’m alive, as they say.

And Happy Saturday, by the way.

Someday I will count my blessings when I am capable of counting them just twice and not 99 times.

xoxoxo, dee (and bella)



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